Tireless a secret that I was meant to digress.
Hollowed and moving a fortitude I was made to lose.
Rendered by life to give light to a dark world,
As I love her I’m stuck hiding even as I count words exposed.
Still moving no more decaying,
Seeing blood and years mixing the umbilical fears.
I plead to forget the memories only to consciously forgive.
The breaking, the pressure under,
To see a calm likeness to my dreaming preference.
Repay the highest priest with what’s due,
This new life too much to bear as I continually shatter.
Like window panes of open intimacy,
Blended then forged into idolatry lost wax casting.
Knowing I am free yet wondering why I can’t turn my back,
Resolving to look for the key other half.
The world’s betrayal of a time and place in a boy’s confidence.
I stumble, the temperature drops,
I leave the body of what was fiction,
Though I will never lose the memories of a time when I wanted justice but instead accepted victimhood as unrealistic expectations grew.
How could anyone know?..
These words may be holding onto us.. To value one's word and not accomplish it may be our chains.
God tell me how to undo the past so that I can stop questioning her devices.
If we forgive because you first did,
How then do our emotions resist what was titled false if we keep acknowledging it.
I lose only to gain but suicide does not fit you, Scripture.
As dereliction of duty is not right in the midst of those who need.
I have now chosen the fall, the final judgement leading to cruxifiction.
As I feel condemned and all is silent in my being.
Still listening to vain wishes, still knowing victory will prevail through
…all this time spent longing for someone gone.
Now this is my prayer for all that I see in this revelation.
Though I am faulted, no god yet chosen to understand God’s rescue,
Only because I chose to love a woman who didn’t love me.
The revelation is about what God will never do.
He will not leave you, he won’t forget you..
Even in the pain you both will share.
He is there by your side waiting in faith. Only then you will realize who it was guiding you along.
If I can’t forget you dear, it was worth this realization,
That God is faithful to the faithless.. hold on to what is important, honor your word